Cosleeping and Bed-sharing: Is it Dangerous?

I, like many parents, swore before having my son that we would never sleep with him in our bed—and that anyone who did was stupid and reckless. Here we are over a year and a half later, and our son still spends most of his nights in our bed. Our journey began when he was just a few days old: I’d sit up to grab him, nurse him, then put him back into his bassinet, utterly exhausted. One night, I accidentally fell asleep with him in a football hold, and I’m so thankful I didn’t drop him or have him slip under a pillow or blanket. Naturally, my instincts kicked in and I knew something had to change. I started chest sleeping with him for the first month or so, then transitioned into traditional bed-sharing following the Safe Sleep 7. I was fortunate enough to find resources that helped me do this safely—resources that many parents either don’t have access to or don’t know how to find. It’s so important to be prepared and know safe ways to bed-share, even if you swear you’ll never bring your baby into bed with you.

I’ll do another post in the future that focuses solely on chest sleeping, as it has its own set of guidelines and deserves a spotlight (seriously, it saved us! He didn’t want to be put down at all—after all, he was carried inside me for 10 months and used to being a part of me). For now, let’s talk about traditional bed-sharing and the Safe Sleep 7.

Many parents start cosleeping or bed-sharing accidentally or out of sheer desperation after becoming so sleep deprived that they see no other option. It’s so much safer to be prepared and know how to safely bring your baby into bed with you than to accidentally fall asleep in a recliner, on the couch, or in some unsafe position in bed.

Below are some excerpts from The Safe Sleep Seven by Diane Wiessinger, Diana West, Linda J. Smith, and Teresa Pitman, available on the La Leche League International website:

“If a mother’s afraid to nurse in her own bed, her most likely options are a sofa, recliner, or upholstered chair—all riskier places to sleep with a baby. One study found that 44 percent of mothers who nurse in those places at night fell asleep there at least once.”

“Even though most new breastfeeding mothers today don’t plan to bed-share, studies show that eventually 60 to 75 percent of them will, at least some of the time.”

Now, let’s get into how we can safely bed-share. It is recommended to follow the Safe Sleep 7 when bed-sharing:

1. A Nonsmoker
   If you’re bed-sharing, you—and anyone else in the bed—should not smoke. This includes cigarettes, vaping, weed, etc. Smokers have been shown to have slower reflexes and may not be as easily aroused from sleep. Plus, your baby is exposed to third-hand smoke—toxins that cling to your clothing, hair, and skin—which aren’t just easily washed away, can affect your child’s respiratory function, arousal ability, and increase the risk of SIDS.
2. Sober and Unimpaired
   If you’re not sober, your baby shouldn’t be in your bed. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, sleep aids, or any medication that can affect your alertness, it’s not worth the risk. Clear judgment and quick reflexes are essential when sharing a bed with your baby.
3. Breastfeeding
   This rule has some wiggle room—I know plenty of formula-feeding mothers who bed-share safely. However, studies show that breastfed infants naturally keep their heads near the breast, and mothers often adopt the “cuddle curl” position: baby at breast level, legs bent under baby to prevent baby from scooching down, and an arm over baby’s head to keep them from scooching up towards your pillow. This position naturally helps prevent you from rolling onto your baby. A formula feeding mother is perfectly capable of using the cuddle curl and bed-sharing safely, they just may have to be more conscious about keeping baby down at breast level instead of what typically happens and bringing baby up near their own face. 
4. Healthy and Full-Term
   This rule exists because premature babies or those with chronic health issues naturally have a higher risk of SIDS and may be more vulnerable in situations that wouldn’t affect a full-term, healthy baby. You know your baby best—use your judgment to decide if they’re capable of safe bed-sharing.
5. On Their Back (When Not Nursing)
   Studies show that putting your baby to sleep on their back is safest. A breastfed baby will typically roll to their side for nursing and naturally return to their back afterward. Once your baby can roll, you generally don’t need to reposition them—as long as your mattress is firm enough.
6. Baby Is Lightly Dressed, No Swaddles
   Overheating can also be a risk factor for SIDS. You can dress your baby just as you would dress yourself— no need for extra layers! Your close proximity and body heat will help baby regulate their own temperature. Also, avoid swaddling during bed-sharing, as it increases the risk of overheating and restricts your baby’s ability to move away from any covers and reposition themselves.
7. On a Safe Surface
   This guideline differs from the typical “baby alone in a crib” advice. A safe sleep space for bed-sharing means:
   • A firm mattress so your baby doesn’t sink into you and can reposition themselves easily. A soft mattress may make it difficult for a baby to push themselves up out of a dangerous position and can increase the risk of suffocation. 
   • No gaps between the bed and the wall—if your bed is pushed up against a wall, ensure all gaps are safely filled, to eliminate the risk of entrapment. You can also pull the bed at least 12 inches away from the wall.
   • No loose cords or sharp corners nearby.
   • No excess bedding—use your own pillow (with baby’s access blocked by your arm in the cuddle curl) and a light blanket tucked safely at waist height. Some parents choose to eliminate a blanket altogether or wear adult sleep sacks like this one! Extra pillows, stuffed animals, or heavy bedding can pose a suffocation risk.

Research has shown that by the time a healthy baby reaches four months old bed-sharing with any responsible, nonsmoking, sober adult on a safe sleep surface is just as safe as any other sleeping arrangement.

Some great online resources I have found regarding cosleeping and bed sharing:

• https://cosleepy.com/
  • https://www.instagram.com/cosleepy/?hl=en 
• https://www.happycosleeper.com/
  • https://www.instagram.com/happycosleeper/?hl=en 
  • https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1EMPWKzk4Y/?mibextid=wwXIfr
• https://llli.org/?s=cosleep&ct_post_type=post%3Apage 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post! I hope it helps even just one parent learn how to bed-share safely, every parent should have easy access to this information. Most parents don’t plan to bed-share but end up doing so anyway—it’s better to be prepared for the what-ifs than to accidentally put your baby in an unsafe situation.

Don’t listen to those who try to scare you away from bed-sharing. When done properly, it can be just as safe as your baby sleeping alone in a crib. I may not have planned to bed-share with my son—and I swore I never would—but it has been the best thing for us. I would do it all over again, bed-sharing has saved us from sleep deprivation and exhaustion, even with him waking up 12+ times at some points! Now that I know how to bed-share safely and understand its benefits for both mom and baby, I plan to continue with my future babies. I’m passionate about ensuring every expecting parent has access to this information!

Sources:

1. La Leche League International. (n.d.). The Safe Sleep Seven. La Leche League International. Retrieved February 6, 2025, from https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/
2. Consultant360. (2020, March 9). Smoking outside: Does it eliminate secondhand smoke risk? Consultant360. Retrieved February 6, 2025, from https://www.consultant360.com/articles/smoking-outside-does-it-eliminate-secondhand-smoke-risk

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